One of the challenges I faced after losing a baby to miscarriage was the disappointment of not being able to write her a birth story. I’d written one for each of my two other babies, but for months I ached with the knowledge that Avery wasn’t “born.” However, God gave me insight into a beautiful truth: she was, in fact, born-just not in the way I had been thinking. The Lord gave me this beautiful picture of my little child being born straight into Heaven. I hope it can give comfort and healing to other mommies whose arms ache to hold their little ones.
She opened her eyes to a sparkling rainbow which surrounded a throne. The shimmering colors took her breath away, and her first smile broke out upon her carefully created face. She’d never seen before, never breathed, never smiled, and yet all these things came to her naturally, like rain falling without ever learning how. She fixed her eyes on the One seated on the throne. No one needed to tell her this was the King. After all, He was her maker, her Savior, her friend.
“Welcome home, Avery Rose,” were the first words, the first sounds her heavenly ears ever heard. His voice was as big as thunder, yet gentle as a breeze. The King stood and walked to her, drawing her up in arms so big they also held all of Creation. This was her very first touch, her first embrace. She buried her face in His robe, laughing at the joy of being alive and being completely home.
The King set her down gently and studied her. “My, what a beautiful child of Mine you are!”
If our eyes could’ve seen her, we may not have known whether to call her an infant, for she certainly was as new as a newborn; a child, for she was small and filled with wonder; or one already grown, for she knew and was known as much any aged person. She was Heaven-made, one of the precious children of God who were born straight into His presence. Her body bore none of the signs of mortality, only immortal light. Stars longed to shine as brightly as she.
Avery knew she was a child of the King. And yet, there was someone else, somewhere else. She looked to the King to fill in knowledge she had not been given yet. Her heart told her that for the rest of eternity, she was to come to the King to be her Answer. Her blue eyes lit up with the fun of it all! She readied herself to use her words for the first time.
“I’m home, King, but is someone missing?” Her words danced on Heaven’s air like a melody. She was sure she glimpsed an angel or two fly by, smiling.
The King knelt down to her level. “Let me show you something, Avery.” He lifted his hand to touch a locket she just now noticed hung around her neck, resting gently on her white dress. King Jesus lifted the locket and opened it. A woman’s face smiled from a portrait inside.
Avery’s face lit up as she squealed, “That’s my mommy!”
The King chuckled and put his arm around her. “That’s right, my little one!”
Avery paused for a moment, unsure. The King reassured her. “You may ask me anything, my child. There’s a reason I created you without knowing all things: because I love to answer your questions.”
She stared at the picture for a moment, then into the deep ocean of Jesus’ brown eyes. “Well, my mommy has such a pretty smile, but her eyes look sad. Why?”
King Jesus nodded knowingly. “The smile is on her face because she knows she is Mine. The sadness is in her eyes because her arms ache to hold you. Your mommy lives in a foreign land, and she misses you.”
Avery looked again at her mommy. She knew her well. She’d spent a little time in that foreign land with her, inside her mommy’s womb. For seven weeks in mortality, she’d heard her mommy’s heartbeat, her breathing, her voice. She remembered her mommy singing, and almost thought she could hear her singing now.
She cocked her head to one side. “Doesn’t my mommy know she’ll be coming home soon, too?”
King Jesus lifted her up to hold her, and began walking with her in his arms as they talked. They drew to the side of a stream where the banks were covered with green grass and flowers. Other children ran and played, and beamed at King Jesus when they saw Him pass by. As they walked, Jesus answered her.
“Your mommy, along with all my children who are in the foreign land, know they will come home one day, yes. But it is a hard wait for them. They don’t know the grace of eternity yet. While they live in mortality, each day is a struggle. But the eternity I’ve placed in their hearts will carry them until they are home.”
The concept of waiting was difficult for Avery to comprehend. Here, in Jesus’ arms, there was only joy and wonder and fun. It wouldn’t be a wait at all for her; just an eager anticipation of being held by her mommy.
The gold locket in her hand sparkled and Avery had another thought. “There are more, aren’t there, King?”
The King bounced her in his arms and laughed. “Well since you mentioned it, there are many more!” And at that, the locket presented her with the picture of another face she knew well.
“My daddy!” she cried. Oh, she loved him. Her daddy was so strong, but so gentle. She could already picture taking walks with him along this very stream when he came home to be with her.
Then the locket became a stream of pictures: her sisters, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, friends who knew her name…the anticipation of having them here with her grew. What fun they would all have, what adventures with Jesus, what special stories their lives would create.
“Thank you for my locket, King. I will like looking at my mommy’s smile and my daddy’s kind eyes while I wait for them to come home. It will not be long.”
Jesus sat down on the bank of the stream and set her next to him. He picked a flower and placed it in her hair. “No, dear one, for you and Me, it will not be long at all.”
Avery’s brow furrowed again. Another question was forming, yet she didn’t know quite how to put it. “King Jesus, how…I mean why…I guess…what was…?”
The King tousled her blonde hair. “I’ll help you with this one. You’re wondering: why didn’t you live in mortality, in that foreign land with your mommy? Why did you come you straight home?”
Avery nodded, eyes wide in wonder. Jesus laughed and answered, “Well, little one. I have a plan and purpose for all my children, a plan that touches lives and shapes eternity. But there is also an evil one who wants to shake my plans. He can shake these plans, but he can never truly break them. So, although your leaving your mommy so soon was not a good thing, I am the Redeemer. All the goodness I have intended for you, your mommy, all my children, I will redeem it all in time, and then the enemy will never shake my plans again.”
Jesus’ eyes seemed to grow warmer, if that was possible, with a new word that came to Avery’s mind: compassion. He continued: “One of my redeeming gifts to your mommy is the way your early departure from the foreign land has touched many lives.”
“Even though it makes my mommy sad?”
Jesus smiled and nodded. “Even though it makes your mommy sad. Even in her sadness, she’s found a deeper hope, a deeper longing for her home in Heaven. It’s one way I will protect her heart through the sadness of the foreign land. Because of you, Avery Rose, heaven has become more real for her.”
Avery thought she understood. She looked around at the other little children who played by the stream. She noticed they all wore lockets, too. Her heart beat fast at the thought of all the mommies who would soon be coming home from the foreign land. She pictured their faces, with beaming smiles and eyes that were no longer sad, running to embrace their little ones.
Avery leaned her head against King Jesus’ chest. “I do miss my mommy, but I’m glad I’m home. I can’t imagine being any place else.”
They stayed there a while in contented silence. Children all around them laughed and played, while the presence of their King gave them life.