When my son Elliot died, my response was, understandably, railing against the evil of his being taken from me. I couldn’t see any grace in it, and I will still bristle if an off-handed comment, especially from a religious onlooker, tries to bring “good” from the daily aching pain of being separated from my child.… Continue reading The Good “And”
Category: Trauma
A Boy Without His Mother
My husband and I just returned from an unforgettable trip to Ireland in celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary. Trips like this are a memory overload, and soon after leaving the days of touring behind, all the landscapes and castles and fascinating history facts blend together. I'll take time to make memory book on Shutterfly… Continue reading A Boy Without His Mother
My Glass Heart
I took this picture 26 months ago yesterday as my precious son held on to my finger. 26 months ago today, this perfect little love died in my arms. The first year after Elliot died was a blur of days spent weeping, mourning, remembering, memorializing. The second year was an abrupt desperation to DO something.… Continue reading My Glass Heart
Not a Means To An End
My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question. “Do you think it will ever be worth it?” I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End
Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Spiritual Attachment Trauma
Recently in one of our foster care training classes, the topic of the evening was “Trauma and Attachment.” We learned vital information about what happens in the mind and heart of a little one who is traumatized. Trauma can occur in many ways: physical, emotional, psychological. The traumatic event can be one-time or, more likely,… Continue reading Spiritual Attachment Trauma
Scars of Love
Sylvia crying is a big trigger for me. On the day we told Sylvia and Valerie that their baby brother Elliot had died, precious Sylvia’s tears absolutely broke my heart. What we wouldn’t do to spare our kids that kind of pain, right, moms? My precious girls had been anticipating and looking forward to their… Continue reading Scars of Love
I Am Job’s Wife
November 2, 2017 I wrote these words almost three months ago, not sure if I would ever share them. Honestly, I was self-conscious, afraid of what others would think. Younger Christians who I've mentored. Older Christians who've mentored me. NonChristians. Family. Peers. Would they judge me for all these doubts and questions? Would they see… Continue reading I Am Job’s Wife
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