faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Trauma

Not a Means To An End

My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question.   “Do you think it will ever be worth it?”   I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage, Trauma

Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)

Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)

faith, foster care, love in loss

Foster Care: What It Is and What It Is Not

I’m a foster mom. Weird. I seriously had two kinds of images pop into my mind when I used to think of foster parents: One: really saintly people who sew their own dresses and never lose their temper and have limitless amounts of energy to give to hurting children. -or- Two: the kind of people… Continue reading Foster Care: What It Is and What It Is Not

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage

UN-Comfortably Numb

I’m tired. I’m so tired of missing him. I’m tired of time passing and his brief life becoming more of a distant memory. I’m tired of triggers taking me back there when I’m not expecting it. I’m tired of thinking in years...Avery would be two and a half YEARS old. Everett would be almost two… Continue reading UN-Comfortably Numb

grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Uncategorized

Two Versions of Me

One of my favorite features of Denver International Airport is the long, long moving walkway. I like how it helps travelers traverse the great distance across terminals at exponential speed. It’s gratifying to step on an already-moving conveyor belt, and become strangely quick with minimal effort. Passing by all the regular pedestrians on the stationary… Continue reading Two Versions of Me

faith, Infant loss, Trauma, Uncategorized

Spiritual Attachment Trauma

Recently in one of our foster care training classes, the topic of the evening was “Trauma and Attachment.” We learned vital information about what happens in the mind and heart of a little one who is traumatized. Trauma can occur in many ways: physical, emotional, psychological. The traumatic event can be one-time or, more likely,… Continue reading Spiritual Attachment Trauma