adoption, grief, Infant loss, pregnancy

The Womb of the World

Last night we had the pleasure of hosting our small group from church. One of my friends in the group is pregnant with her second sweet baby, and someone asked her how far along she is. “30 weeks,” she replied.   My mind began reeling a bit. 30 weeks. I delivered Elliot when I was… Continue reading The Womb of the World

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Uncategorized

Buried Under a Christmas Star

My girls and I spent several hours this weekend working on Christmas cookies to give to our new cul-de-sac neighbors. I confess it was fun the first hour or two; and then….so. much. mess. The flour everywhere. The pans and bowls piled. The sprinkles. THE SPRINKLES!!! Let’s just say I was a little more Grinch… Continue reading Buried Under a Christmas Star

adoption, foster care, Infant loss, Uncategorized

Why Adoption? Why Colombia?

When I tell people our family is the process of adopting from Colombia, the questions I most often receive are: “Why adoption?” and “Why from Colombia?” So for any interested parties whose minds may be burning with those same inquiries, here goes.   Adoption. Well, I have always been deeply troubled by the thought of… Continue reading Why Adoption? Why Colombia?

grief, love in loss, Trauma

A Boy Without His Mother

My husband and I just returned from an unforgettable trip to Ireland in celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary. Trips like this are a memory overload, and soon after leaving the days of touring behind, all the landscapes and castles and fascinating history facts blend together. I'll take time to make memory book on Shutterfly… Continue reading A Boy Without His Mother

grief, Infant loss, love in loss

Guest Blog: Only Two Backpacks

August is one of those months that just won't let go. The anniversary of miscarrying Everett on August 8. Elliot's due date on August 9. Avery's due date on August 21. And then there's back to school. Beautiful, funny, exciting back to school. As a homeschool mom, I try to create rituals that make the… Continue reading Guest Blog: Only Two Backpacks

grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Trauma, Uncategorized

My Glass Heart

I took this picture 26 months ago yesterday as my precious son held on to my finger. 26 months ago today, this perfect little love died in my arms. The first year after Elliot died was a blur of days spent weeping, mourning, remembering, memorializing. The second year was an abrupt desperation to DO something.… Continue reading My Glass Heart

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss

The Upside-Down Anchor

It doesn’t get easier to live without him; His absence is felt so strongly. Without my child who should be here, Reality is shaded so wrongly. Life feels backwards, skewed, and sideways, When I think of the children I buried. I felt them, saw them, held them, kissed them-- Every day of their existence I… Continue reading The Upside-Down Anchor

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Trauma

Not a Means To An End

My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question.   “Do you think it will ever be worth it?”   I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage, Trauma

Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)

Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)