August is one of those months that just won't let go. The anniversary of miscarrying Everett on August 8. Elliot's due date on August 9. Avery's due date on August 21. And then there's back to school. Beautiful, funny, exciting back to school. As a homeschool mom, I try to create rituals that make the… Continue reading Guest Blog: Only Two Backpacks
Category: Infant loss
My Glass Heart
I took this picture 26 months ago yesterday as my precious son held on to my finger. 26 months ago today, this perfect little love died in my arms. The first year after Elliot died was a blur of days spent weeping, mourning, remembering, memorializing. The second year was an abrupt desperation to DO something.… Continue reading My Glass Heart
The Upside-Down Anchor
It doesn’t get easier to live without him; His absence is felt so strongly. Without my child who should be here, Reality is shaded so wrongly. Life feels backwards, skewed, and sideways, When I think of the children I buried. I felt them, saw them, held them, kissed them-- Every day of their existence I… Continue reading The Upside-Down Anchor
Not a Means To An End
My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question. “Do you think it will ever be worth it?” I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End
Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
UN-Comfortably Numb
I’m tired. I’m so tired of missing him. I’m tired of time passing and his brief life becoming more of a distant memory. I’m tired of triggers taking me back there when I’m not expecting it. I’m tired of thinking in years...Avery would be two and a half YEARS old. Everett would be almost two… Continue reading UN-Comfortably Numb
One Sacred Night
Written by my mother, Gelene Springston One Sacred Night Reflections by a Grateful Grammy “They’re losing Elliot,” my husband said sadly. Our son, Ryan, had just called with the awful news. Minutes later a call came from a tearful nurse, “Come as quickly as you can!” We were 50 minutes from St. Joseph… Continue reading One Sacred Night
Two Versions of Me
One of my favorite features of Denver International Airport is the long, long moving walkway. I like how it helps travelers traverse the great distance across terminals at exponential speed. It’s gratifying to step on an already-moving conveyor belt, and become strangely quick with minimal effort. Passing by all the regular pedestrians on the stationary… Continue reading Two Versions of Me
10 Things Bereaved Mothers Fear You’ll Think
Bereaved Mothers feel a lot of emotions. No two moms of children in heaven feel all the same things, in the same order, or to the same extent. Fear is an emotion that can wreak havoc on our already fragile hearts. In this precious community I’m a part of, bereaved mothers who've lost babies, mommies… Continue reading 10 Things Bereaved Mothers Fear You’ll Think
Spiritual Attachment Trauma
Recently in one of our foster care training classes, the topic of the evening was “Trauma and Attachment.” We learned vital information about what happens in the mind and heart of a little one who is traumatized. Trauma can occur in many ways: physical, emotional, psychological. The traumatic event can be one-time or, more likely,… Continue reading Spiritual Attachment Trauma
