grief, Infant loss, love in loss

Guest Blog: Only Two Backpacks

August is one of those months that just won't let go. The anniversary of miscarrying Everett on August 8. Elliot's due date on August 9. Avery's due date on August 21. And then there's back to school. Beautiful, funny, exciting back to school. As a homeschool mom, I try to create rituals that make the… Continue reading Guest Blog: Only Two Backpacks

grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Trauma, Uncategorized

My Glass Heart

I took this picture 26 months ago yesterday as my precious son held on to my finger. 26 months ago today, this perfect little love died in my arms. The first year after Elliot died was a blur of days spent weeping, mourning, remembering, memorializing. The second year was an abrupt desperation to DO something.… Continue reading My Glass Heart

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Trauma

Not a Means To An End

My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question.   “Do you think it will ever be worth it?”   I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage, Trauma

Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)

Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage

UN-Comfortably Numb

I’m tired. I’m so tired of missing him. I’m tired of time passing and his brief life becoming more of a distant memory. I’m tired of triggers taking me back there when I’m not expecting it. I’m tired of thinking in years...Avery would be two and a half YEARS old. Everett would be almost two… Continue reading UN-Comfortably Numb

faith, grief, Uncategorized

The “God Is Good” Dilemma

  God is good.   Chris Tomlin says it: “You’re a good, good father...:”   My childhood church camp said it: “God is soooo good, God is soooo good, God is soooo good, he’s so gooood….toooo….me….” (four-part harmony)   The Bible says it:   “For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and… Continue reading The “God Is Good” Dilemma

faith, grief, Infant loss, love in loss, Miscarriage

A Mother’s Day Letter to My Sisters In Loss

Dear Sisters In Loss,   You, mothers of babies in Heaven, mommies whose babies left too soon due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, are precious to me. Your children are precious to me. I wish I could have known them all.   This Mother’s Day may not be what you hoped for or expected.… Continue reading A Mother’s Day Letter to My Sisters In Loss

Infant loss, love in loss

9 Things the Death of My Child Has Taught Me

  My sweet boy’s nine-month birthday is approaching at the end of this month. The ache of wishing he was in my arms just doesn’t wane with time. Time hasn’t given me some grand answer as to “why” this happened. Time doesn’t cause me to accept this reality more readily. Time has not healed this… Continue reading 9 Things the Death of My Child Has Taught Me

grief, Infant loss, love in loss

Remembering Elliot-Words Written By His Parents Read at His Memorial

    Remembering Elliot-Dustin Around 2 pm on Monday, May 29th I received a call from my wife and all she said was, "Come now." After a bit of panic I grabbed my bag and went to the hospital. When I arrived I went to the Labor & Delivery side to find out where Heidi… Continue reading Remembering Elliot-Words Written By His Parents Read at His Memorial