Sylvia crying is a big trigger for me. On the day we told Sylvia and Valerie that their baby brother Elliot had died, precious Sylvia’s tears absolutely broke my heart. What we wouldn’t do to spare our kids that kind of pain, right, moms? My precious girls had been anticipating and looking forward to their… Continue reading Scars of Love
Author: Heidi Treibel
I choose to share the raw reality of the sorrow of loss through the filter of hope in Jesus Christ.
I am a writer, an educator, a mom, a wife, and a coffee fiend. My two daughters and my son on earth teach me daily what grace is (for them and for myself). My children in heaven open my eyes to see the unseen. I write candidly about the wrestling that results from spiritual trauma. My hope is that those who've endured spiritual trauma and other painful life circumstances can meet a Jesus who is better than my meager words could describe. I believe that wrestling with God is necessary and healthy as my belief system is redefined and my relationship with Him is refined.
If you are reading, it is my hope that you will be moved to listen to others with deep compassion and share your own stories of life, love, and loss with deep conviction. We are all pilgrims in a broken world; I hope we walk together as we journey to the land "where no storms come."
Sharing Stories, Sharing Burdens
Recently I spent the day among a group of people I hadn’t seen since I was pregnant with Elliot. They are acquaintances, not close friends, but kind and friendly people who are aware of my hospitalization, and Elliot’s birth and death. I mustered the courage to spend the day among them, and knew I would… Continue reading Sharing Stories, Sharing Burdens
A Letter to My Son in Celebration of His Life
This note to Elliot is dedicated in his memory to ALL the babies who closed their eyes on mortality much too soon. I hope we who claim to be “pro-life”, who believe that a new soul is created when new DNA is created, remember and celebrate these short lives in the ways we can. There… Continue reading A Letter to My Son in Celebration of His Life
I Am Job’s Wife
November 2, 2017 I wrote these words almost three months ago, not sure if I would ever share them. Honestly, I was self-conscious, afraid of what others would think. Younger Christians who I've mentored. Older Christians who've mentored me. NonChristians. Family. Peers. Would they judge me for all these doubts and questions? Would they see… Continue reading I Am Job’s Wife
Better
“So, are you doing better?” “I hope things will continue to get better for you.” “How is your family? Are the days getting any better?” Better. It’s a word people use to kindly inquire or gauge the progress of healing from grief. But now that I’m in this odd land, “better” just doesn’t seem to… Continue reading Better
So This Is Grief
9.3.17 So this is grief. Oh. So THIS is grief: Watching the sky light up with the fire from dozens of hot air balloons. I smile as the giggles of my girls fill my ears. Then my eye catches the sight of the couple next to me swaddling their newborn baby on their picnic blanket.… Continue reading So This Is Grief
Due
August 21, 2016. April 6, 2017. August 9, 2017. Just dates on the calendar to most people. But those dates are so much more to me. They are the due dates of my babies in heaven. For those of you who’ve not experienced pregnancy, this is how the first moments work (more or… Continue reading Due
Elliot’s Birth Story
June 29, 2017 Happy One-Month Birthday, Elliot! I started writing Elliot’s birth story the morning of the day he died. Of course, I had no way of knowing what that day would bring. As far as I knew, it was just going to be another day with my little buddy, one of many.… Continue reading Elliot’s Birth Story
Remembering Elliot-Words Written By His Parents Read at His Memorial
Remembering Elliot-Dustin Around 2 pm on Monday, May 29th I received a call from my wife and all she said was, "Come now." After a bit of panic I grabbed my bag and went to the hospital. When I arrived I went to the Labor & Delivery side to find out where Heidi… Continue reading Remembering Elliot-Words Written By His Parents Read at His Memorial
Five Days
6/4/17 And I’m home again exactly eight weeks from the day I left to go to the hospital. I thought the day I returned home would be one of relief, joy, and reunion. Instead it is a day of a crushed spirit, mourning, and separation. I thought I would look back on my time in… Continue reading Five Days
Raw and Filtered 