A long time ago, a guy who loved Jesus named St. John of the Cross wrote a poem called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” I don’t know much about St. John, and I’m not crazy about the poem, but several months ago, my counselor sent me an email article with this quote: “The… Continue reading Poor in Spirit
Category: Infant loss
The Grief of a Grandpa
I asked my dad if I could share what he wrote recently to Elliot. He graciously said yes, and being that he’ll unlikely ever start a blog of his own (though he could), I am honored to share it with the world. My dad is a guy who thinks deeply and feels deeply. Maybe… Continue reading The Grief of a Grandpa
The Big But
I’ve been staring at this picture a lot recently. It’s one of my favorite pictures of Elliot. But, let’s be honest; they’re ALL my favorite. When pictures of your child are finite, and when there will be no more, they are sacred. Dustin texted me this picture the day after Elliot was born while I… Continue reading The Big But
Scars of Love
Sylvia crying is a big trigger for me. On the day we told Sylvia and Valerie that their baby brother Elliot had died, precious Sylvia’s tears absolutely broke my heart. What we wouldn’t do to spare our kids that kind of pain, right, moms? My precious girls had been anticipating and looking forward to their… Continue reading Scars of Love
Sharing Stories, Sharing Burdens
Recently I spent the day among a group of people I hadn’t seen since I was pregnant with Elliot. They are acquaintances, not close friends, but kind and friendly people who are aware of my hospitalization, and Elliot’s birth and death. I mustered the courage to spend the day among them, and knew I would… Continue reading Sharing Stories, Sharing Burdens
A Letter to My Son in Celebration of His Life
This note to Elliot is dedicated in his memory to ALL the babies who closed their eyes on mortality much too soon. I hope we who claim to be “pro-life”, who believe that a new soul is created when new DNA is created, remember and celebrate these short lives in the ways we can. There… Continue reading A Letter to My Son in Celebration of His Life
I Am Job’s Wife
November 2, 2017 I wrote these words almost three months ago, not sure if I would ever share them. Honestly, I was self-conscious, afraid of what others would think. Younger Christians who I've mentored. Older Christians who've mentored me. NonChristians. Family. Peers. Would they judge me for all these doubts and questions? Would they see… Continue reading I Am Job’s Wife
Better
“So, are you doing better?” “I hope things will continue to get better for you.” “How is your family? Are the days getting any better?” Better. It’s a word people use to kindly inquire or gauge the progress of healing from grief. But now that I’m in this odd land, “better” just doesn’t seem to… Continue reading Better
So This Is Grief
9.3.17 So this is grief. Oh. So THIS is grief: Watching the sky light up with the fire from dozens of hot air balloons. I smile as the giggles of my girls fill my ears. Then my eye catches the sight of the couple next to me swaddling their newborn baby on their picnic blanket.… Continue reading So This Is Grief
Due
August 21, 2016. April 6, 2017. August 9, 2017. Just dates on the calendar to most people. But those dates are so much more to me. They are the due dates of my babies in heaven. For those of you who’ve not experienced pregnancy, this is how the first moments work (more or… Continue reading Due
Raw and Filtered 