In this series of articles, I've shared how God has shown me that he’s better. It’s become somewhat of a mantra in my life, especially when pain besets my heart or a tragedy or injustice stares me in the face, and I wrestle with the question, How can God possibly be good in this situation?… Continue reading God is Better than You Think, Part Three: A Better Faith
Tag: heaven
God is Better Than You Think, Part Two: A Better Throne
Not having lived in any sort of actual monarchy, the thought of being subject to the reign of a king is unfamiliar to me, and I think most of us alive at this time. As I mentioned in Part One: A Better Parent, however I perceive God now, he continually shows me with each new… Continue reading God is Better Than You Think, Part Two: A Better Throne
Sentenced to Life
Today is the Spring (or Vernal) Equinox, a day when there is exactly as much light to the day as there is dark. On the Vernal Equinox of 2017, I went in for the 20-week anatomy ultrasound of my growing baby boy, Elliot. We’d endured four months of uncertainty in my awful pregnancy, and finally… Continue reading Sentenced to Life
The Womb of the World
Last night we had the pleasure of hosting our small group from church. One of my friends in the group is pregnant with her second sweet baby, and someone asked her how far along she is. “30 weeks,” she replied. My mind began reeling a bit. 30 weeks. I delivered Elliot when I was… Continue reading The Womb of the World
Buried Under a Christmas Star
My girls and I spent several hours this weekend working on Christmas cookies to give to our new cul-de-sac neighbors. I confess it was fun the first hour or two; and then….so. much. mess. The flour everywhere. The pans and bowls piled. The sprinkles. THE SPRINKLES!!! Let’s just say I was a little more Grinch… Continue reading Buried Under a Christmas Star
Starlight
On the eve of my 39th birthday a couple nights ago, I stepped out of my patio door to let my dog outside. The sight of Orion hanging in the sky caught my breath. I’m proud to be a very amateur astronomer. A couple names of Orion’s stars, Rigel & Betelgeuse, flashed in the forefront… Continue reading Starlight
Not Yet
My youngest daughter turned five a few months ago. It’s been almost two and a half years since she lost her little brother Elliot, a brother she only saw as my pregnant belly and as a cold, still baby in a casket on the day of his funeral. We’ve talked about heaven a lot since… Continue reading Not Yet
The Upside-Down Anchor
It doesn’t get easier to live without him; His absence is felt so strongly. Without my child who should be here, Reality is shaded so wrongly. Life feels backwards, skewed, and sideways, When I think of the children I buried. I felt them, saw them, held them, kissed them-- Every day of their existence I… Continue reading The Upside-Down Anchor
Not a Means To An End
My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question. “Do you think it will ever be worth it?” I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End
Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Raw and Filtered 