My Elliot is not a means to an end. A few months after Elliot died, a friend took me to lunch and asked me a provocative question. “Do you think it will ever be worth it?” I wasn’t offended. I knew what she meant. I would’ve wondered something similar prior to Elliot’s death… Continue reading Not a Means To An End
Tag: mourning
Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Here I am again, approaching spring and all its painful triggers. Two years ago I was pregnant with my little Elliot. I was brimming to my eyeballs in hope and relief as I fully believed I was past the worst of my pregnancy and, at 18 weeks, in the “safe zone.” How could I ever… Continue reading Three Aspects of Infant Loss We Don’t Talk About (But Should)
Heaven’s Middle Child
My littlest baby, My Everett. I marvel at your name and the conviction I have that you are a boy. I know some mommies of miscarried babies don’t name their little ones because of the uncertainty of the gender. That’s okay. You all have names and identities that one day we’ll know… Continue reading Heaven’s Middle Child
10 Things Bereaved Mothers Fear You’ll Think
Bereaved Mothers feel a lot of emotions. No two moms of children in heaven feel all the same things, in the same order, or to the same extent. Fear is an emotion that can wreak havoc on our already fragile hearts. In this precious community I’m a part of, bereaved mothers who've lost babies, mommies… Continue reading 10 Things Bereaved Mothers Fear You’ll Think
A Mother’s Day Letter to My Sisters In Loss
Dear Sisters In Loss, You, mothers of babies in Heaven, mommies whose babies left too soon due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, are precious to me. Your children are precious to me. I wish I could have known them all. This Mother’s Day may not be what you hoped for or expected.… Continue reading A Mother’s Day Letter to My Sisters In Loss
He Never Said a Word
He never said a word, yet his voice rings loud and clear. He’d like to tell you something, if you would like to hear. There’s a miracle just waiting inside a life that’s newly made, A glimpse of Eden’s innocence, of beauty’s every shade. Elliot’s brightness lingers, though his earthly life is done.… Continue reading He Never Said a Word
The Courage to Cry
About a week ago, I encountered a moment of choice. Like all of us, I face choices every day. For instance, do I take the easy route or the hard route? Do the bare minimum, or go the extra mile? Turn and run from pain, or find the courage to embrace it? It… Continue reading The Courage to Cry
Don’t Let My Smile Fool You
Don't let my smile fool you; You might think that I'm just fine. But sorrow, love, and longing Walk a narrow, blurry line. The thing you might not notice Behind eyes you think are bright Is they're gazing at his absence, At dark where once was light. You may feel good… Continue reading Don’t Let My Smile Fool You
9 Things the Death of My Child Has Taught Me
My sweet boy’s nine-month birthday is approaching at the end of this month. The ache of wishing he was in my arms just doesn’t wane with time. Time hasn’t given me some grand answer as to “why” this happened. Time doesn’t cause me to accept this reality more readily. Time has not healed this… Continue reading 9 Things the Death of My Child Has Taught Me
Poor in Spirit
A long time ago, a guy who loved Jesus named St. John of the Cross wrote a poem called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” I don’t know much about St. John, and I’m not crazy about the poem, but several months ago, my counselor sent me an email article with this quote: “The… Continue reading Poor in Spirit
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